Interesting read - But what are the five most dangerous words in the English language? According to the title, there are five words but I haven't found them anywhere in this article, and I've read it thrice. Then again, maybe saying those words is "dangerous" and the whole point of the article is that you can't say those words. In other words, you're talking about the words you retain--hence the title, right?
I appreciate the honesty you show in this article, and many people can relate to how you're feeling. You're transparent about many things, yet obscure about other things...and that happens a lot with people with PTSD and people who are processing their trauma and whatever else they need to process to heal.
Reading this almost feels like an escape room. One of my friends visits escape rooms all the time, usually with her sister or family and other friends, and one of the first things she mentions about going into them is that you never know when the next step will lead to walking out the door. But it's about paying closer attention to the present clues. There may be more, there may be less. Some lead to dead ends and you have to use the other clues--process of elimination--to figure out the clue and key to escape.
I'm no therapist and I'm not going to get into the possible outcomes, but I have also had to deal with healing from trauma. From personal experience, I've seen many dating situations, crushes, and so forth go south. One of those crushes ended up being a better friend than he ever would have been as a boyfriend or more than that, and some crushes involved guys whose paths I've never crossed again. One guy knew my middle name and used it often in earlier conversations...but that was never meant to be. I knew someone who crossed off nearly everything on my expectations list, but that guy got married and now has a family.
Almost all of them knew that my trust level, emotional maturity, and compatibility didn't match what they were looking for in a partner, and I didn't know myself well enough. Everyone wants the fringe benefits that come with a relationship, the security that comes only with trust, and so on...and everyone has a set of expectations.
I could go on about "what might have been" and it would change nothing. Instead, I had to see things as they were, concentrate on improving my life, and move on. What's meant to be will find a way. Back to your article--I see five words, but they're not what I expected to see. They may, however, be the key to what happens next. I don't know what your five words are, but you do.
Two of my friends married other guys, and those relationships ended in divorce...but they're now with the men they were meant to be with (they were each other's first loves). Their paths crossed again at the right time. They knew where they were in life, knew themselves, and knew each other enough to know the truth was right in front of them.
Long story short--It sounds like there are still a lot of unknowns to consider and process. Hang in there - there are still more words, sentences, and paragraphs yet to be written in this chapter of the moment. Keep us posted. ~~Robin
"There's this girl I like..."--are those the five words?
I think I may have figured out what you were talking about, but I saw everything else first. That may have been what threw me off earlier.
I was going for a different set of "five words" earlier. Those five words are the words only you know and can't say. All other words regarding each of the girls you mention add up to either more or less than five words. Both of my responses to this article are different "streams of consciousness"--this one is more random and off-the-cuff.
I see the potential "danger" only in putting out too much than you're ready for and getting hurt as a result. In my earlier analogies of both the escape room and the story chapter, there are all kinds of possible outcomes. In the story chapter, there are several characters--each one holding something you learned about yourself and them. In the escape room, only one outcome will get you out of the escape room and through the door, but there are many different clues. And a few will get you "warmer" to the actual way through, but they still aren't the clue you need to find.
"There's this girl I like..." You liked every single girl you met and dated.
The good part about journaling is that you get to reflect on your words later and discover something about yourself along the way. I returned to journaling and found that to be true, and I can't wait to see what else I figure out along my life's journey. Wishing all the best for you in your journey! And as always, keep us all posted about what happens next.~~Robin
I love these comments, Robin! And yes, the five words are, "There's this girl I like."
I was worried that people might not figure that out, actually, but I wanted to try a "clickbaity" headline to see if it would work... and I think it did, because I think you've left the longest comments on one of my newsletters I've ever seen! 😁 And that makes me really happy because it tells me that this resonated with you and that I did a great job communicating all the different feelings, ideas, and what ifs...
I decided those words are dangerous because more often than not, when a guy says those words, the girl either doesn't like him back (leading to heartache), or she does like him but the relationship turns sour because, like you noted, they're not at a point in their lives where they know who they are, what they want, how to communicate with a partner, etc... so more often than not, that innocent "like" ends up leading to heartbreak and sorrow.
But even so, we still can't help ourselves... sometimes even when we know there's danger ahead, we still think that somehow, "this time will be different."
I LOOOOOOOOOVE how you compare this to an escape room. And yes, I absolutely feel like there are multiple threads in here... several chapters all open at the same time (due to all the unresolved issues from past girlfriends interfering with my ability to connect with Sara... plus the new chapter of "I don't even know for sure, if Sara feels the same way as me, or not," and that adds a whole new dimension to this story.)
And you're so right... ultimately, there is only ONE reality... one way for this chapter to end, and to lead to whatever's next. I feel like writing this letter has helped me get all these details out in the open, and now it's time to start connecting the dots, looking for the lessons and the clues that will ultimately lead to my next (hopefully) happy relationship...
I feel like all, or at least most, of these things have to be resolved, before I can go any further with Sara -- or with anyone, for that matter.
THANK YOU for your insightful comments! I'm so sorry about the confusion around which 5 words... like I said I kind of worried that would happen, but I decided to use that title anyway. (Titles are so hard for me!!!!! Ugh....)
This is the first time since Carrie and I broke up, 31 years ago, that I've brought ALL these details into the light. And this is just the beginning... but I'm glad I'm finally addressing it. I've been stuck in "no woman will ever want me" for far, far too long... I don't like it here anymore. I'm ready to do something different, and hope for some different results.
Interesting read - But what are the five most dangerous words in the English language? According to the title, there are five words but I haven't found them anywhere in this article, and I've read it thrice. Then again, maybe saying those words is "dangerous" and the whole point of the article is that you can't say those words. In other words, you're talking about the words you retain--hence the title, right?
I appreciate the honesty you show in this article, and many people can relate to how you're feeling. You're transparent about many things, yet obscure about other things...and that happens a lot with people with PTSD and people who are processing their trauma and whatever else they need to process to heal.
Reading this almost feels like an escape room. One of my friends visits escape rooms all the time, usually with her sister or family and other friends, and one of the first things she mentions about going into them is that you never know when the next step will lead to walking out the door. But it's about paying closer attention to the present clues. There may be more, there may be less. Some lead to dead ends and you have to use the other clues--process of elimination--to figure out the clue and key to escape.
I'm no therapist and I'm not going to get into the possible outcomes, but I have also had to deal with healing from trauma. From personal experience, I've seen many dating situations, crushes, and so forth go south. One of those crushes ended up being a better friend than he ever would have been as a boyfriend or more than that, and some crushes involved guys whose paths I've never crossed again. One guy knew my middle name and used it often in earlier conversations...but that was never meant to be. I knew someone who crossed off nearly everything on my expectations list, but that guy got married and now has a family.
Almost all of them knew that my trust level, emotional maturity, and compatibility didn't match what they were looking for in a partner, and I didn't know myself well enough. Everyone wants the fringe benefits that come with a relationship, the security that comes only with trust, and so on...and everyone has a set of expectations.
I could go on about "what might have been" and it would change nothing. Instead, I had to see things as they were, concentrate on improving my life, and move on. What's meant to be will find a way. Back to your article--I see five words, but they're not what I expected to see. They may, however, be the key to what happens next. I don't know what your five words are, but you do.
Two of my friends married other guys, and those relationships ended in divorce...but they're now with the men they were meant to be with (they were each other's first loves). Their paths crossed again at the right time. They knew where they were in life, knew themselves, and knew each other enough to know the truth was right in front of them.
Long story short--It sounds like there are still a lot of unknowns to consider and process. Hang in there - there are still more words, sentences, and paragraphs yet to be written in this chapter of the moment. Keep us posted. ~~Robin
"There's this girl I like..."--are those the five words?
I think I may have figured out what you were talking about, but I saw everything else first. That may have been what threw me off earlier.
I was going for a different set of "five words" earlier. Those five words are the words only you know and can't say. All other words regarding each of the girls you mention add up to either more or less than five words. Both of my responses to this article are different "streams of consciousness"--this one is more random and off-the-cuff.
I see the potential "danger" only in putting out too much than you're ready for and getting hurt as a result. In my earlier analogies of both the escape room and the story chapter, there are all kinds of possible outcomes. In the story chapter, there are several characters--each one holding something you learned about yourself and them. In the escape room, only one outcome will get you out of the escape room and through the door, but there are many different clues. And a few will get you "warmer" to the actual way through, but they still aren't the clue you need to find.
"There's this girl I like..." You liked every single girl you met and dated.
The good part about journaling is that you get to reflect on your words later and discover something about yourself along the way. I returned to journaling and found that to be true, and I can't wait to see what else I figure out along my life's journey. Wishing all the best for you in your journey! And as always, keep us all posted about what happens next.~~Robin
I love these comments, Robin! And yes, the five words are, "There's this girl I like."
I was worried that people might not figure that out, actually, but I wanted to try a "clickbaity" headline to see if it would work... and I think it did, because I think you've left the longest comments on one of my newsletters I've ever seen! 😁 And that makes me really happy because it tells me that this resonated with you and that I did a great job communicating all the different feelings, ideas, and what ifs...
I decided those words are dangerous because more often than not, when a guy says those words, the girl either doesn't like him back (leading to heartache), or she does like him but the relationship turns sour because, like you noted, they're not at a point in their lives where they know who they are, what they want, how to communicate with a partner, etc... so more often than not, that innocent "like" ends up leading to heartbreak and sorrow.
But even so, we still can't help ourselves... sometimes even when we know there's danger ahead, we still think that somehow, "this time will be different."
I LOOOOOOOOOVE how you compare this to an escape room. And yes, I absolutely feel like there are multiple threads in here... several chapters all open at the same time (due to all the unresolved issues from past girlfriends interfering with my ability to connect with Sara... plus the new chapter of "I don't even know for sure, if Sara feels the same way as me, or not," and that adds a whole new dimension to this story.)
And you're so right... ultimately, there is only ONE reality... one way for this chapter to end, and to lead to whatever's next. I feel like writing this letter has helped me get all these details out in the open, and now it's time to start connecting the dots, looking for the lessons and the clues that will ultimately lead to my next (hopefully) happy relationship...
I feel like all, or at least most, of these things have to be resolved, before I can go any further with Sara -- or with anyone, for that matter.
THANK YOU for your insightful comments! I'm so sorry about the confusion around which 5 words... like I said I kind of worried that would happen, but I decided to use that title anyway. (Titles are so hard for me!!!!! Ugh....)
This is the first time since Carrie and I broke up, 31 years ago, that I've brought ALL these details into the light. And this is just the beginning... but I'm glad I'm finally addressing it. I've been stuck in "no woman will ever want me" for far, far too long... I don't like it here anymore. I'm ready to do something different, and hope for some different results.